Life Altering Event

As an Event Planner, one needs to be prepared for the unexpected. Things can change on a dime....power outages, early arrivals and additional guests. Being prepared for the unexpected is also a trait that can be carried over into a Planner's personal life....this is story of one of those events in life where no amount of organization, coaching or 'visualization' could prepare you for.

All you women out there know where I'm coming from when I mention the extremely unpleasant experience of our annual visit to the doctor for our 'special' appointment. This series of unfortunate events took place at such an appointment, with such doctor who specialized in the 'special' procedure one cold winter day....

I had been referred to a new doctor where I was told the experience was different - soothing- calming - relaxing - bullshit. I arrived at this magical place and was surprised to find my initial impression was in fact that the office was quite modern complete with white leather furniture, calla lilies and sparkling water with limes for my enjoyment - made me think of a Great Gatsby themed party....white draping, white clothes, minty drinks...I was brought back to reality from my white washed dream by someone calling my name "Event Planner Extraordinaire" (this name follows me everywhere, you understand) - the voice continued "Please follow me".

I got up and followed my new friend to a room that I envisioned to be filled with fluffy pillows, tea and kittens....little did I know I was a lamb being led to slaughter. I entered the dimly lit room and got comfortable. My new friend told me the doctor would be in shortly and I should get ready and sit in the exam chair. So, still feeling pretty good I took off everything on the bottom half including my socks (no one looks good with no pants and socks...even me) and hopped up onto what looked like a leather dentist chair and placed the very stylish paper towel 'blanket' around my hips as instructed.

I was rather enjoying the sounds of Enya and scent of candles when a semi-attractive man in a lab coat entered followed by 2 women. Ok, so I wasn't expecting an audience but was still willing to go along with it.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Love" (that is not really his name) the Doctor said in an English accent as he extended his hand taking my sweaty, clammy one into his.
"And this is my technician Miss. I-don't-speak English" (again, not real name) and
"Miss Resident" (real name, just kidding). "Let's get started shall we?" he continued.

"Lean back please and put your feet in the stirrups" Dr. Love said. "Just try to relax, we will start with some basic anatomy of the 'special' area".
Suddenly I wasn't so calm and I started to panic - what was once soothing sounds of Enya now sounded like Chewbacka from StarWars and the so called calming candles now felt like they were setting the room on fire and I was in a disco inferno as I started to sweat like it was my job. I did my best to channel my inner Planner and tried to remain calm....I plan events for thousands of people, I can do this.

"OK I will begin" said Dr. Love and then he flicked a switch......this is when it all changed. That was the moment when my calm, professional demeanor went out the window as out of the corner of my eye I saw something frightful, something scary, something no one should ever see!! Turns out I had failed to notice the computer screen that was 5 inches from my face that was now displaying a magnetized shot of my YOU-KNOW-WHAT!

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH What is THAT!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs! "Turn it OFF!" I yelled as I closed my legs hitting the doctor in the side of the head.
"My eye!" Dr. Love hollered as he put his hand to his head. But the image was still there - I saw Miss I-Don't-Speak-English start to fumble with the instruments as she tried to console the doctor and check his wound - in my moment of panic I jumped out of the chair only to forget I was not wearing any pants and the once paper towel blanket had now disintegrated with all my sweating! With one hand in the front and one in the back trying to stretch my mini cardigan as far as it would go, I didn't know what to do so I ran behind the curtain. Wow, so much for staying calm. So much for being prepared for the unexpected.

"Well, that didn't go as well as it could have" Dr. Love said.
No kidding. Eating a steak at a vegetarian convention would have been better suited.

I eventually got dressed, said a very sincere sorry and left. Not sure I am going to be invited back.

Event Planning truth: One should always pay attention to the little details - name tags, extra ice and of course video screens with cameras that magnify.